"I SAID" 05: love is free, go spread it

happy anniversary to me and my publication <3

Sep 30, 2024

Today is the last day I will be twenty-five years old.

I usually sway toward even numbers, but I do not want to turn twenty-six. I’m ambivalent about a birthday for the first time ever. Ages one through twenty-five seem young. Twenty-six is closer to thirty. Closer to colonoscopies and childbearing and all the scary things you might have to consider. Taking spin classes. Cutting out sugar. Switching to organic milk. People over the age of twenty-five cannot be drinking oat milk. That’s for CHILDREN* (*twenty-five-year old gen-z babies!)

Getting older makes me think of my life coming to a close. Dramatic, I know. But I am afraid of death. Not so much that the fear consumes me so greatly and swallows me whole, but enough to avoid thinking about it. I am so happy being alive. I mean that. Life sucks and it’s hard and things are expensive, but I love being alive. It makes me sad to think that at a point, I didn’t think it was all that great.

So of course, the show must goes on. Twenty-six is part of being alive. And this goes without saying, twenty-six is still youthful. I’m in good health. I’ve never cherished that more. I run three miles multiple times a week. I go to yoga class. I eat salad and wash my face every night. I don’t really believe that twenty-six will be any different than twenty-five. It’s simply a blip, an insurance change, a different number I fill out on forms and maybe a different button to press on online surveys for $15 gift cards.

Something I’ve really noticed in this period of time in my life is how much I find myself gravitating towards my friends. I want to spend as much time as possible with my girlfriends. Mostly because I’m terrified of drifting away from them as we float gracefully towards REAL-ADULTHOOD and relationships with partners and pets and responsibilities. Everyone says it constantly, but female friendships were essential in this phase of my life. My early twenties were rough, as they are for most people, and I found myself holding a vice-grip on my best friends.

We need to talk to each other more. We shouldn’t go months without talking and spend $60 on a weeknight dinner just so we can say we are friends. In my twenty-sixth year, I’ll be reaching out to you. Send me a picture of the dinner you made. Tell me about the date you went on. Call me on the phone just to chat, even if it’s just about your day. Talk to me about your weekend plans, even if they’re not for me. I want to know. I care.

Boys do this all the time. They call each other and talk about sports. We need to be better about remembering how much we care about each other. We have to spread love and positivity. It’s the only way to build community and exercise support.

Let’s talk about restaurants or workout classes we like. Tell me about the trip you’re planning. Let’s talk about it during the day on Friday, maybe when work is quiet and you can take a tiny break. Or text me and we’ll find a time. Or we’ll go on a walk. I’ll go to any neighborhood. Send me an article you enjoyed reading. Or shoot me a note about something you find FASCINATING. Or a wikipedia rabbit hole you went down. Or a subreddit that I must catchup on. A recipe I have to make!

We’re losing intimacy with each other. We think we’re in touch with people because we follow them on Instagram. I need more than that. I’m sure most of us do. I’m freaking curious about the people I love in my life. I want to know about what you’re doing. The phone has exhausted us to the point where texting feels like a chore. I am no scientist, but I know that we’re averse to social contact because we’re so addicted to our phones. Let’s use the phones the way they were intended - to talk to our people!

A couple years ago, The New York Times wrote a piece about the beauty of an eight-minute phone call. We think we need to carve out entire afternoons to talk to people we love. It’s not true. We’re setting false pressures on our relationships, the media has us believe that they have to be so deep allthetime and full of therapyspeak, it’s just not true. It prevents us from wanting to spend time together because it has to be SO stimulating. We come back from plans so exhausted that we must stare at the glowing box to decompress. Why do we do this to ourselves?

Recently, I had a friend come over and sit on the bed while I cleaned out my closet. For the entire day she was here, I was nervous she was going to hate it. I asked her to come to my apartment so I could check something off on my to-do list. That was kind of selfish of me. But we picked up coffees, sat around for five hours, and it was truly the perfect way to spend a Sunday. We didn’t discuss current events, we didn’t complain about the nuances of the democratic and republican parties. We just hung out. It was the type of stuff you used to do after middle school. You’d eat some bogus microwaved snack and sit on the couch or in someone’s room and just exist. It was the best and I crave it and we need to be doing it more.

This past year has really given me a new perspective. I’m so fortunate to love so many people and I want to keep it that way. Let me love you all come on please!!!!!

But seriously, as I think about my one year anniversary of starting this Substack, I only feel good things. Twenty-five kicked me in the ass to start this, the same way it sent me to The Second City on a chilly afternoon in March. The same exact way it gave me this apartment with someone I love in Brooklyn. It only makes sense. I’m singing out loud and wearing low rise jeans, eating pasta over the sink, and I couldn’t be happier.

My favorite things of 25:

I reread a Visit from the Goon Squad by Jennifer Egan and I’m officially declaring it my favorite book - ever
Brian and I went away to the Hotel Dylan in Woodstock and it was one of the best weekends of the year
Rediscovering Rainbow Kitten Surprise and going to the sold out show at Webster Hall
Bone broth, Mezcla protein bars, cashews and cookie granola
A holding hands ring and vintage bathing suit I bought at Cure Thrift
Using Substack in general - I have read so many things and learned so much from creators on here. I highly recommend checking out notes and following inspiring people.
AMC A-List
Jellycats
Visiting the desert for the first time and getting to celebrate one of my best friends getting married (😍)
Six Feet Under - I started this two weeks ago but I’m already two seasons in. This is one of the best shows of all time, you heard it here first. It’s fab. Watch it!